New England Regional Chili Cook-Off 5/3/09

As I was driving through the rain up to Hartford, I was thinking this is a total waste of time and money, but I already made the commitment, so let's get it done and go home....
I got there and found out that my team mates had split up for personal reasons. One had kept the Bad Banditos name and the other became the Chile Dogs. They had a dog theme. Great! Now what do I do? So I swallowed my pride and set up with Mike in the Chili dog tent, with all the cute decorations, stuffed doggies everywhere and people biscuits. What the hell are people biscuits? They brought a boom box that played "Who Let The Dogs Out" over and over until I wanted to fillet one of those cute little stuffed doggies.

Anyway, I set up my stuff and got to cooking. My salsa came out great and with Mike's help, I cooked up a decent batch of Green chili. I figured the judges would love me and I had this one in the bag. So I turned those two masterpieces in to the judges and got my red chili started. The red chili was another story. The meat had the consistency of shoe leather and over all, it tasted lousy. After an hour of fighting with it, I pretty much gave up. I dumped a bunch of spices in it, a little beef stock, put the cover on and walked away very annoyed.

At about that time, they were calling for volunteers to participate in the hot chicken wing eating contest. I figured it would be kind of interesting to take a few pictures of these poor fools killing themselves, so I brought my camera and proceeded to the contest area. Well, a large crowd had gathered and the organizers were calling up those who had given their names ahead of time to join the contest. Apparently 2 of them had a change of heart and bowed out. Now there were 2 seats left. The guy with the bullhorn turned to the crowd and asked for volunteers. Eventually, a 20 year old girl sat down at the table and the crowd cheered. They needed one more. Well, I figured, I like wings. I can eat 10 in 5 minutes. I can at least beat a girl!!! They can't be THAT hot!!! Mike kept pushing me toward the table until I had volunteered myself

So they made us sign a release, saying we won't sue them, we don't have any allergies, we will pay for all hospital bills...etc etc etc. They made us wear these blue rubber hospital gloves for safety. Whatever. I figured it's just for show. Then the wings came... Then the judge said GO! I grabbed one and choked it down. Easy. The next one was so overcooked, it was like eating sawdust...really really hot sawdust. I chewed and chewed, but it took almost a minute to choke it down and we weren't allowed to drink anything. The guy next to me finished his
and started eating from the 20 year old girl's plate. I knew I was out of my league and figured that instead of trying to beat this animal, I would stop and give my digestive system a break. As it turned out, it was the right move and I just finished 4 wings coming in 5th of 10. The girl had one, plus 2 the freak, who ended up winning, ate for her.

So after shedding a few tears and quaffing a few beverages, I returned to my chili. Problem was, I couldn't taste anymore. I had no idea if it was any good or not. We had about 15 minutes until turn in and I had no clue. I figured it was a lost cause anyway, so I turned it in to the judges the way it was.

We had 55 contestants for Red chile, 33 for Salsa and 30 for Green chili. There was a preliminary and final table for all three categories. As they announced the name for Salsa, I figured I had at least made the finals table. No luck. Same with the Green. Well, that was it, my day is shot. Well, when they announced red, they called me up to the stage with the rest of the finalists. Unbelievable! I thought I turned in such garbage, but the judges in their wisdom thought it was good. No prize money this time, but I did OK. Now I know I have no idea what I'm doing. But it's alot of fun and I'll be back next year.

Thanks to everyone for your support and well wishes,
Chris